IFTAR DINNER 2025
ST MARY’S CATHEDRAL, 18 MARCH 2025
عَلَيْ As-salamu alaykum, Peace up upon you. Welcome to St Mary’s Cathedral House for our 14th annual Iftar dinner, honouring especially the Muslim community, but bringing together people of many faiths. I’m glad to be with you in person this year, after Covid forced me to Zoom in last year.
I thank Lisa Buxton, Executive Officer of Aboriginal Catholic Ministry, and with her acknowledge the Gadigal elders past and present and their connection with the land on which we meet.
From the Islamic community I welcome: my friend His Eminence, Dr Ibrahim Abu Mohammed, Grand Mufti of Australia; Sheikh Shafiq Abdullah Kahn, Founder of the Al Faisal Colleges, with many principals and representatives of those schools; Sheikh Abdukudos Azhari of Jamiyatu Ulma Australia; Imam Amin Hady of the Zetland Mosque; Khaled Sukkarieh, Chairperson of the Islamic Council of NSW; Ahmed Hegazi, from the Australian Federation of Islamic Councils; Kazi Ali, President of the Muslim Cemeteries Board; Prof. Mehmet Özalp, Director of the Centre for Islamic Studies and Civilization at Charles Sturt University; Ahmet Polat, Executive Director of Affinity; Mehmet Saral, President of Advocates for Dignity; and other leaders and representatives of the Muslim Community.
From the Jewish Community I salute: Dr Benjamin Elton, Chief Minister and Senior Rabbi of the Great Synagogue, with David Lewis, its President; Dr Jeffrey Kamins, Senior Rabbi at Emanuel Synagogue, with Rabbi Jacqueline Ninio; Rabbi Zalman Kastel, National Director of Together for Humanity; Dr Emmanuel Nathan, President of the NSW Council of Christians and Jews; and others from the Jewish community.
From the Christian churches I greet: His Grace Bishop Daniel of the Copts; Archimandrite Ephram Abbassi of the Antiochians; Fr Avetis Hambardzumyan of the Armenian Orthodox Church; Rt Rev. Dr Michael Stead, Anglican Bishop of South Sydney; Rev. Faaimata Hiliau, Moderator of the Uniting Church Synod for NSW/ACT; and representatives of other confessions.
I also welcome our friends from the Hindu, Buddhist and Sikh communities.
From the Catholic Church, it is my honour to welcome and introduce to you all His Eminence Mykola Cardinal Bychok CSsR, Eparch of the Ukrainian Greek Catholic Church in Australia, New Zealand and Oceania. A Redemptorist priest, he served in Ukraine and New Jersey before being appointed bishop by Pope Francis. After his consecration he had to wait not just for a visa but for our Covid restrictions to be lifted before assuming office here in Australia. His feet were barely on the ground when he was created the youngest Cardinal on earth by Pope Francis late last year. Since then, he has been rather busy—so we are delighted to have him with us this year and to all have this opportunity to meet and greet him.
Tonight we are also graced by their lordships: Most Rev. Brian Mascord, Bishop of Wollongong; Most Rev. Greg Homeming, Bishop of Lismore; Most Rev. Danny Meagher, Auxiliary Bishop of Sydney; and Most Rev. Terry Brady, Emeritus Auxiliary Bishop of Sydney; Rev Mons. Marcelino Youssef, Vicar General of the Maronite Catholic Eparchy; Rev. Fr Chaouki Ibrahim, representing the Melkite Greek-Catholic Eparchy; Rev. Dr Patrick McInerney SSC, Director of the Columban Centre for Christian-Muslim Relations; Mr Chris Meney, Chancellor of the Archdiocese of Sydney; the charming and indefatigable Sr Giovanni Farquer RSJ, Director of our Ecumenism and Inter-religious Relations Commission, with Michael Kenny and Commission members and representatives of parishes, schools and Church agencies.
From the wider community, I salute: Justice Francois Kunc of the Supreme Court of NSW; Dallas McInerney, CEO of Catholic Schools NSW; Lauren Hardgrove, CEO of Catholic Cemeteries; Dr Paul Morrissey, President of Campion College; Thida Young from Multicultural NSW; and our old friend Dr Stepan Kerkyasharian AO, former CEO of the Community Relations Commission and Anti-Discrimination Board. Welcome also to all other community leaders and faithful. It’s great to have you all at my place once more!
∞
Friendship, like an evergreen,
Will brave the inclement blast,
And still retain the bloom of spring,
When summer’s days are past.
And though the wintry sky should lower,
And dim the cheerful day,
She still preserves a vital power,
Unconscious of delay.
’Tis thus true Friendship ever lives,
In hearts that are sincere,
Unfading is the wreath she gives,
It blooms throughout the year.
This poem, ‘On Friendship’, was published in the Sydney Gazette and New South Wales Advertiser in 1836 by an author known as ‘W.H.’[1] With its imagery of trees withstanding harsh conditions and flowers blooming regardless, it captures the resilience of friendship. True friendship, it suggests, is robust, persevering through difficult circumstances, and something we cannot do without.
That friendship is central to human flourishing is hardly a new idea! In the great philosophies and spiritualities of ancient India and China, friendship was extolled as a universal duty and essential quality.[2] In the 4th century BC, the great Greek philosopher Aristotle dedicated a large part of his Nicomachean Ethics to friendship,[3] presenting it as a crucial human virtue, an indispensable social glue, a guardian for the young against error and for the old against frailty and loneliness. Distinguishing different types of friendship, some shallower or deeper, he argued that they are all praiseworthy.[4]
But Aristotle, for all his genius, was not unique. We think of the contributions of other writers on friendship such as Socrates, Epicurus, Lucretius, Cicero, Plutarch, Seneca, Bacon, Montaigne, James and others. But tonight I want to reflect on the thought of the three Abrahamic religions.
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Friendship with family, tribe, strangers, above all God is a recurrent theme of the Jewish scriptures. Great friends of God include Enoch, Noah, Abraham, Moses, Levi, Esther and Elijah.[5] Man and woman are created as helpmates, and there are great marriages in the Scriptures.[6] There are the friendships also between Abraham and Lot, Ruth and Naomi, David and Jonathan, Job and his mates, Elijah and Elisha.[7] Proverbs proclaims that “a true friend sticks closer than kin”, is there in good times and bad, and should be treated kindly. Friends eschew gossip and forbear each other. Given their influence over us, we should choose worthy friends.[8] And there is so much more in the Hebrew scriptures about friendship…
In the Christian scriptures we find Jesus is a friend loved people. He had a very close bond with the Twelve, who crisscrossed the Holy Land with him and with whom there was deep affection, regular misunderstandings, occasional betrayal, but ready reconciliation. His Mother and the holy women attended him faithfully to the end. He made the homes of Simon Peter and of Lazarus his home bases.[9] When Lazarus was gravely sick, his sisters sent word not that “Lazarus is dying”, but that “Your friend, the one you love, is dying”. He moaned and wept at his friend’s death such that the Jews remarked, “See how much he loved him!” There are many reports of him attending wedding feasts, the tables of the rich or lowly, holy or sinners, ‘at home’ with close friends, or hosting picnics for thousands in the hills. Not just times of leisure, but his most precious moments are marked by eating and drinking with his friends.[10] He was, dare I say, very Middle Eastern in this![11]
Jesus taught his disciples to stop judging each other, forgive more, be reconciled, fix their communion with each other before communing with God.[12] He taught lots of other things about togetherness—with God, the faithful, neighbours, beggars, strangers, even enemies. He insisted on human and Christian interconnectedness, and taught his followers to be meek, merciful, generous and peace-loving with each other, eschewing anger and hate, violence and recrimination.[13]
At his Last Supper, Jesus declared they were no longer just his followers, they were his friends, and they must love one another as he loved, living by the commandments, sacrificing themselves for each other, abiding in his love. He prayed for their unity and blessed us them with his peace.[14] They were to be siblings, friends, carissimi, to God, each other, and all humanity.[15] Great Christian thinkers such as Augustine, Basil, Aelred, Aquinas and Francis de Sales also wrote on friendship.
∞
So, too, in the Islamic tradition. As I understand it, the Arabic term Khaleel (خليل) refers to the most intimate friendship, the kind that binds hearts together as in the relationship between Ibrahim and God (إبراهيم).[16] Whilst Khaleel indicates closeness, Sadiq (صديق) refers to friendship based on candour; Wali (ولي) that of a protector and confidant; Rafiq رفيق a friendship built on spiritual journey on earth and into the afterlife; and Ikhwan (إخوان ) a friendship forged on shared faith.[17] The Qur’an speaks about choosing good companions and nurturing those friendships, going out of your way for your neighbours, entertaining your guests generously, looking out for each other, being generous expecting no return, and supporting each other in faith and virtue.[18]
∞
The great faiths and philosophies all proclaim the value of friendship. So does science. Research confirms that people with low levels of relating have higher rates of heart disease, blood pressure, stroke, cancer, stress, depression, anxiety, obesity, dementia, suicide or early death, and lower rates of sleep, immunity and healing.[19] One study found not having enough friends and social interactions has a similar effect on morbidity and mortality to smoking 15 cigarettes a day.[20] So friendship is not only a life enhancer but also a life extender!
So how many friends should we aim for? Evolutionary psychologist, Robin Dunbar, says humans are capable of about 150 personal connections.[21] That sounds a lot, but you’ve probably got more than that in your mobile’s contact list. In terms of close relationships—friends in the deeper sense—the sweet spot for health seems to be somewhere between three and six. While the jury is out on the precise number of friends we need, there’s no debate that the wrong number is zero!
The “elephant in the room” tonight is the tension and acts of hatred that have marred our world and our own city in recent times. There are many things we each might say about that. But I think we could all agree that our world needs more friendship at the moment. Should we count as friends only those who think like us, look like us, speak our language, have the same hobbies and interests as us, or worship like us? Our faiths say NO. Friendship might come naturally with those with whom we share such things, but the three Abrahamic religions all praise hospitality and friendship given to outsiders, to strangers. Part of the power of friendship is that it can transcend boundaries, which makes it especially important at a time when we are tempted to fall back into tribalism, into a toxic ‘us versus them’ mentality. Friendship is the great equaliser, disarming suspicion, enabling empathy, so we can share each other’s joys and sufferings. It is a treasure we should cherish deeply in our hearts.
And so my dear friends, thank you for the gift of your friendship. Not only this evening, but for the enduring gift of friendship you have shown over the last 14 years by graciously giving of your time to join with us for the annual Iftar Dinner. In coming together to do what friends do, by sharing a meal together as brothers and sisters, we play our part in bringing to life the wonderful wisdom of our many traditions and in proclaiming the good that is friendship!
ه جزاك Jazāk Allāhu Hiran Khayran!
[1] https://trove.nla.gov.au/newspaper/article/2206602
[2] See Ping Wang ‘The Chinese concept of friendship: Confucian ethics and the Literati narratives of pre-modern China’ in C. Risseeuw and M. van Raalte (eds), Conceptualizing Friendship in Time and Place (Boston: Brill, 2017), 25-38; hikhu Parekh, ‘Friendship in classical Indian thought’, Indian International Centre Quarterly 35(2) (2008), 156.
[3] Aristotle, Nicomachean Ethics, Books VII, IX.
[4] Aristotle NE 1115a -1157b.
[5] Enoch (Gen 5:24), Noah (Gen 6:9), Abraham (Gen 48:15; Jas 2:23), 2Chr 20:7; Isa 41:8; Jas 2:23), Isaac and Jacob (Gen 48;15), Moses (Ex 33:11), Levi (Mal 2:6-7), David (Ps 2; Acts 13:22), Esther (Esther ch. 5) and Elijah (1Kgs 17:1).
[6] E.g. Adam and Eve, Abraham and Sarah, Isaac and Rebekah, Jacob and Rachel, Boaz and Ruth, Elkanah and Hannah, David and Abigail, Hosea and Gomer.
[7] Abraham and Lot (Gen 14:14-16), Ruth and Naomi (Ruth 1:16-17), David and Jonathan (1Sam 18:1-5; 2Sam 1:23-27), Job and his friends (Job 2:11-13 etc.), Elijah and Elisha (2Kgs 2:2), or Daniel and Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego (Dan 2:49). David had a great capacity for friendship, as we see also in his friendships with Abiathar (1Sam 22:22-23), Nahash (2Sam 10:2); Ittai (2Sam 15:19-21) and Hiram (1Kgs 5:1-7).
[8] “A true friend sticks closer than kin” (Prov 18:24), is a friend not just in good times but in adversity or need (Prov 17:17), and that kindness to a friend is godly and unkindness ungodly (Job 6:14). Friendship requires that we eschew gossip and forbear and forgive each other (Prov 16:28; 17:9). We should choose worthy friends as they will influence our character and behaviour (Prov 13:20; 22:24-25) and be our principal advisers (Prov 27:9).
[9] Simon’s home in Capernaum: Mt 4:13; 8:14-15 et par.; 17:24; Mk 1:21; 2:1; 9:33; Lk 4:23; Jn 2:12; 4:46; 6:17,24,59. Lazarus’ home in Bethany: Mt 21:17; Mk 11:11; Lk 10:38-42; 24:50; Jn 11:1-45; 12:1-8.
[10] His first great sign is turning water into wine; his most recorded miracle is the multiplication of loaves and fishes; and his last wonder before his ascension is the huge haul of fish.Mt 14:13-21 et par.; Jn 2:1-11; ch. 21. As his ministry comes to its climax, he takes his closest friends aside for a last meal, a meal that would make the Passover his own Pasch, a meal he would direct us to perpetuate in the Eucharist: Mt 26:20-30 et par; Jn chs 6 and 13. Before returning to the Father he dines again with despairing disciples in Emmaus, with confused apostles gathered in the Cenacle, and with his dearest at the lakeside breakfast: Mk 16:14; Lk 24:13-36; Jn ch. 21.
[11] Partly this reflected Jesus’ middle-eastern culture: his relatives, especially his good Jewish mother, seek to ensure that his ministry does not get in the way of his having proper meals; Peter’s mother-in-law, cured of her fever, gets up immediately to serve them supper; having raised Jarius’ daughter, Jesus’ first direction was to give her food; and his dear friends Martha and Mary squabble over serving the dinner: Mt 8:14-15; Mk 3:19-21; 5:42; Lk 10:38-42; Jn 4:31; 12:1-8.
[12] Resentment at ambition of James and John and their Mother: Mt 20:24; Mk 10:41. Call to forgiveness: Mt 18:21-35; cf. Mt 6:12-15; 18:35; Mk 11:25; Lk 6:36-7; 11:4; 14:9-10; 17:3-4; Jn 20:23. Being merciful and reconciled before sacrificing: Mt 5:22-24; 6:14-15; 7:1-3; 9:13; 12:7; 18:35; 23:2-3; Mk 11:25; 12:22; Lk ch. 15; Acts 7:26; Rom 14:10.
[13] Friendship with God: Mt 6:24; 22:37; Mk 12:30; Lk 10:27; 11:42; 16:13; Jn 14:21,23; 15:9; 16:27; 17:6,23-26. Friendship with Jesus: Mt 10:37-39; 11:19; 26:50; Lk 5:20; 7:34; 12:4,14; Jn 3:29; 8:42; 11:3,5,11,36; 13:1,23,34; 14:15,21,23; 15:9-15; 16:27; 17:26; 18:9; 19:26; 20:2; 21:7; 21:15-17,20. Friendship between the disciples: Lk 6:42; Jn 13:14,34-35; 15:12-17. Friendship with neighbors: Mt 5:43-44; 7:3-5; 19:19; 22:39; Mk 5:19; 12:31; Lk 6:41-42; 10:25-37. Friendship with inferiors, the poor, strangers, enemies, and persecutors: Mt 5:43-47; 23:10-11; 25:31-46; Lk 6:27-36; 10:25-37; 14:12-13; 16:1-9,19-31; 18:9-14. Citizens of the one kingdom: Mt 5:3,10,19; 6:33; 7:21; 11:11; 13:38,43; 16:19; 18:1-4; 19:14; 21:31; 25:34; 26:29; et par.; Jn 3:3-5; 18:36; Rom 14:17; Eph 2:19. Worshippers in the Temple: Mt 16:18; 21:14-15; Lk 22:53; 24:53; Jn 2:19-21; 7:14,28; 8:2; 10:23; 18:20; 1Cor 3:16-17; 2Cor 5:1; Eph 2:21-22. Sheep of one flock: Mt 18:12; 25:32-33; 26:31; Jn 10:1-18; 21:16-17; Heb 13:20; cf. 1Pet 2:25; 5:1-11. Fish in a net: Mt 4:19; Lk 5:2-11; 13:47; Jn 21:6-8. Branches of one vine: Jn 15:1-11; cf. Mt 20:1-16; 21:28-32, 33-43; Lk 6:43-45. Workers in a vineyard: Mt 20:1-16; 21:28-32,33-44; et par.; cf. 1Cor 3:5-9. Builders and stones of a building: Mt 7:24-25; 16:18; 21:42,44; Lk 6:46-49; 14:28-30; cf. 1Cor 3:9-15; 14:3,12,26; 2Cor 5:1; 10:8; 12:19; 13:10; Eph 2:20; 4:12-29; Heb 6:1; 11:10. Diners at the same table/banquet: Mt 22:1-14; 25:1-13; 26:7,29; Lk 5:29-32; 7:36-50; 17:7-10; 22:1,27,30; 24:30; Jn 13:4,12. Passengers in the one boat: Mt 8:23-27; 13:2; 14:22-33; Jn 6:16-24; 21:3-8. Blessedness is being meek, forgiving, generous and peace-loving, eschewing anger and hate, violence, and recrimination: Mt 5:4-9, 20-21, 38-39; 6:38; 7:12; 26:52; Lk 6:27-36 etc.
[14] Disciples are Jesus’ friends and brothers: Mt 12:50; 26:50; 28:10; Lk 22:32; Jn 3:29; 13:34-35; 15:9-17; 17:23,26; 20:7; 1Jn 2:5; 2:10; 3:10-23; 4:7-21; 5:1-3. John lay against Jesus’ breast: Jn 13:23. Love one another: Jn 13:34; 15:9-10 etc. Prayer for unity: Jn 10:16; 13:14,35; 15:1-7; 16:33; 17:11-24; cf. Mt 12:25; 18:15-20; 23:8; Mk 3:25. Blessing with peace: Jn 14:27; 16:33. Washing the feet and instituting the Eucharist: Mt 26:26-29; Mk 14:22-25; Lk 22:17-19; 24:30-36; Jn 6:25-69; 13:1-23; 20:19,26; 21:13; 1Cor 10:16; 11:23-26.
[15] God is love: Jn 3:16,35; 5:20; 14:21,23; 16:27; 17:23-26; 1Jn 2:5,15; 3:1; 4:7-21. Jesus is friendship: Jn 10:17; 11:3,5,36; 13:1,34-35; 14:21,23,31; 15:9-10; 16:27; 17:23. The Holy Spirit is charity: Jn 14:15-17; 20:22; 1Jn 3:24; 4:1-16. Demonstrating love: 1Jn 2:7-11; 4:7-11; 2Jn 1:4-6. Christians call each other brethren, friends, carissimi: Acts 15:25; 21:17,20; Rom 12:10; 16:16; 1Cor 9:5; 16:20; 2Cor 13:12; 1Thess 4:9; 5:26; Heb 13:1; 1Pet 1:22; 2:11,17; 4:12;5:9,14; 2Pet 1:7; 3:14; 1Jn 2:7; 3:2; 4:7 etc.
[16] Qur’an, 4:125.
[17] Walli friendship, Qur’an 2:257; 7:196; 10:62; Sadiq friendship Qur’an 4:49; Rafiq 4:69; Ikwhan, Qur’an 3:103; 49:10; 59:10.
[18] Amaliah, ’14 lessons on friendship from the Qur’an and Sunnah’, Amaliah 2 September 2022.
[19] E.g. Debra Umberson and Jennifer Montez, ‘Social relationships and health: A flashpoint for health policy’, J Health Soc Behav 51(Supp) (2010): S54-66; Matthew Newman and Nicole Roberts, Health and Social Relationships: The Good, the Bad, and the Complicated (American Psychological Association, 2013); ‘How does social connectedness affect health?’ Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (2023) https://www.cdc.gov/emotional-wellbeing/social-connectedness/affect-health.htm; ‘Strong relationships, strong health’, Better Health Victoria https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/healthyliving/Strong-relationships-strong-health; and sources in each.
[20] Julianne Holt-Lundstad, Timothy Smith and J. Bradley Layton, ‘Social relationships and mortality risk: A Meta-analytic review’, PLoS Medicine 7(7) (2010). https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pmed.1000316.8y
[21] The theory and some of Dunbar’s explanations can be found in his book, Friends: Understanding the Power of Our Most Important Relationships (Little Brown, 2022).
